Why wont you love me?
by Grell The Sexy Reaper
Summary: Grell tries to get the men in her life to like her, including a new man who just walked into her life. However, no one will accept her- or will they?
1. Chapter 1

I looked over at him. Him, the guy I am supposed to be in love with. He held my arm so I couldn't get away from the scene which was happening in front of my eyes. He was kicking my friend while he was down. When he said "I won't let anyone make you cry" I didn't realise he meant _anyone._ He finally stopped when my friend, Ronald, was on the floor bleeding to death. I had tears in my eyes.

"Grell" he spoke, "no one is allowed to make you cry." The devil spoke so calmly, but I wasn't crying because of Ronald now. I was crying because of him. He put his hand on my cheek and I slapped it away.

"Get off Sebastian! Don't ever touch me!" My sentence was followed by a string of curse words as I sat down next to Ronald and laid his head in my lap. Ronald _had_ upset me earlier, but that is only because I found out about him self-harming and wasn't happy about it. I cannot forgive Sebastian for this though. He went too far, like always.

Ronald did not make a full recovery. He was in the hospital for a few days and after that, what ever reason he had for cutting intensified greatly and it was all because of Sebastian. Because of Sebastian, I was losing my friend. Within a week of Ronald leaving the hospital, he was back in there. I do not know what is happening in his head, but I wish it wasn't happening. Will and I visited him everyday while he was in there. I never knew Will cared so much for him, well maybe he doesn't but I know for a fact that Will cares for me. It's gossip all around the office. "William T Spears has a thing for Grell Sutcliff." Did I believe it at first? Of course not. Why would I? Will has never given me a reason to believe that he cares for me, not even after I had a sex change to become fully female.

When Ronald woke up, and we were there, his face smiled. I didn't see his eyes smile though. That is how I knew that his smile was fake. I do not think Will picked up on the fake smile, which is understandable because Will is not good with emotions.

"I am glad you are feeling better Knox" William spoke. I felt sorry for Will right now. The man didn't know what Ronald was feeling. He couldn't have. Will's eyes showed that he didn't want to be here and his cold face confirmed it. Ronald would pick up on that. I took Will aside for a moment and looked at him. Will's gorgeous brown hair was a mess, which I thought made him look even more handsome; however, he combed it back into place like a teenager wanting to be accepted.

"Will, Ronald isn't feeling better. His face says 'happy' but his eyes say 'kill me'. " I tried to tell Will. He wasn't understanding what I was talking about though. I let out a sigh. "Go wait outside. I will join you in a minute, then we can go for a drink" I spoke. He sighed. Will doesn't drink, and I know that, but I do and I need a drink right now. Will did as he was told and waited outside of the room while I talked to Ronald.

"Grell... I am so sorry" Ronald uttered but I put my finger over his mouth.

"Don't" I said.

Ronald frowned and I kissed his cheek. I guess he wasn't expecting that since he blushed greatly and looked away. It didn't mean anything in a romantic matter though. Ronald was my best friend, and he knew that. He knew that we would stay friends forever.

"I understand that you want to die. For whatever reason it is, I understand. I have been in that same position. In fact I was in and out of hospital constantly and it was annoying William because I never got any of my work done." I closed my eyes. This was hard for me to tell. I hadn't share that before. "So I know that suicide is useless. It doesn't solve your problems, it just creates more for you and the people around you."

Ronald nodded. I don't know if he would listen, but he definitely understood.

Not wanting to keep Will waiting, I gave him a hug and left him. I told him I would be back tomorrow and I would certainly show up again. We went for that drink, which was as eventful as watching paint dry... Until... Will changed his drink. He was refusing to drink alcohol at first, but then he asked to try my drink. I let him have a mouthful and then he was getting the rounds in. He got so drunk, it was funny.

I helped Will get home and got him a coffee. This night will come round to bite him tomorrow when the hangover hits. He sat and drank the coffee, trying to sober up. I was sat on the floor, leaning sideways against his couch looking up at him.

"Grell. I do not know what love is" he spoke. Well it was obvious that Will didn't know what love is. He doesn't know what any emotion is right?

"Yeah I know." I told him.

"But you do. And I realised something earlier. Today is October 31st" Will spoke, "Your birthday."

I hadn't even realised the date through everything that had happened.

"Well it is a good job my favourite man took me out for a drink then, isn't it?" I smiled. William nodded.

"I have never said this, but happy birthday." The saint of the evening looked like he was about to be sick. The way he was facing, he would be sick on me.

He pulled himself off the couch and collapsed on top of me. I don't know what he was aiming for, and I don't think he did either. He had his head in my chest and was stroking my hair like I was a puppy. The man was definitely drunk out of his mind.

I had to stay at Will's, he was so drunk and I didn't want him to hurt himself on anything. That was a mistake. He fell asleep on my chest. I put him to bed and slept on the couch. When the morning came I was awoken by a grumpy William who wanted answers.

"Sutcliff. What happened?" He asked and winced as he rose his voice a little and it hurt his head. I said that he would get a hangover.

"You took me out for a drink for my birthday" I answered his questions. He sat down.

"So why are you still in my house? Please leave."

"But Will I-"

"Please leave."

I got up and grabbed my coat then I walked to the front door.

"If that is how you treat the people who care for you then stay out of my life" I said boldly and walked out the door, slamming it to hurt his head. I instantly regretted doing that. Will was such a nice person sometimes, now we were to go back to barely knowing each other. The last time we did that was when I told him I had gotten with Sebastian. He soon came round with that because he 'cares' for me, but he hurt me. As far as I am concerned he went too far.

It started to rain. Such a lovely beginning to a day. Get yelled at by Will and then leave when it starts to rain. I aren't going to go back home or to work, I am gonna go see Ronnie in the hospital.

I wasn't alone when I got there. A doctor was there. Dark short hair, thin, not at all ugly. Totally someone I could win over. I entered the room, which interrupted his conversation with Ronald. The doctor looked over at me. He wasn't human. I saw that right off the bat. He glanced me a smile and then left the room.

"The look on your face is priceless right now" Ronald said. I pouted. "Find him attractive do you?" He was teasing me and I didn't like it.

"What did he say to you?" I asked, desperately trying to change the subject of the conversation.

"Oh, I am allowed to go home, as long as I rest." Ronald told me. I smiled at the news. The conversation went stagnant after that until Ronald said, "do you want to stay at my house tonight?" Of course I agreed, my best friend had just asked me for a sleepover and I wanted to avoid William.

I helped him back to his house. He was still a bit weak from the attempt, but tonight he was to relax... Or so I thought. I sat down and he sat on my lap. Laughing, I pushed him off. He laughed aswell but then cuddled close and laid his head on my shoulder.

"Everything alright Ron?" I asked.

"I didn't get to give you your birthday present yesterday." Said Ronald. He placed a gentle kiss on my lips. Now I have never seen Ronald as anything more than a friend, but that kiss was nice. Obviously I kissed back, and obviously I let him do _everything_ else to me. I wasn't scared to have coitus with my friend, I have done it before. This time was different to the other times that me and Ronald had done it. Today he was gentle and passionate.

Afterwards, when we were cuddling, I asked him why he had self harmed.

"My girl got killed on a job" he said. To be honest, I didn't think Ronald was committed to a relationship. I know that I have only ever committed to one relationship (Sebastian) and that hurt like Hell- pun not intended. I guess Ronald _is_ capable of having a committed relationship. It was difficult for me not to feel sorry for him, even though I didn't know he was even in a relationship.

"I'm sorry." I said. He kissed my cheek.

"It's not your fault Grell. Can you do something for me though?"

"Anything..."

"Will you be my temporary girlfriend? You know a rebound." I looked at him. What do I say to that? Should I just say yes? If he is just after sex, then all he has to do is ask. I honestly didn't know what to say but I responded.

"Sure, I mean I just lost Will and Sebastian, so I could do with the comfort too." I said. He caressed my cheek.

"Thank you. I'll get you that doctors number though. He's called Jack and he works in reaper care."

"He's not a reaper though!" I exclaimed. Ronald laughed. I bet I sounded pathetic then. "He's a demon."

"And that bothers you? You were with Sebastian for how long? Species bothers you now?" He asked. I slapped him gently. "Sorry. I'll still get you his number though." That was the end of the conversation about Jack. There is no way I wanted to continue that, especially since it started to get personal. Besides, I had just committed to being Ronald's new girlfriend and play thing.

I had yet to figure out what would come out of me being a rebound. I know it meant I was sexually active again, which isn't something I would get if I had asked William to be my boyfriend. My sex change means I can't get pregnant so the sex is physically exhilarating. Sex isn't something embarrassing, you just get on with it. The humans may think that it is something you only do when you are a "Prostitute" or married, but us reapers just do it. How else are babies born? I'm joking of course. I don't even think reapers can give birth and I know for a fact that I can't. By getting the sex change, I got my dream of being female, but I lost every shot of having a child. Of course I can adopt, but I need to be in a full time married relationship for that, and the children won't be reapers, they will be human. That's pretty terrifying to be brutally honest. If I adopt a child, it won't outlive me unless I die on the job. That isn't something I want. I always told myself that if I had a child, it would see me die before I saw it die. That's how it is meant to be right? But humans are such weak and feeble creatures. It would be painful.

I had to tell myself everyday that Ronald only wanted me as a rebound. It was what I needed to do to stop myself falling in love with him. Not that I could help falling for the guy giving me pleasure and making me feel like a queen. If this rebound thing ends, I am going to get hurt and Ronald isn't going to be able to say why.

When I finally pushed myself to go to work (which was also the day Ronald went back) I sat at the desk and did my paperwork for the first time ever. Ronald walked over to me and took my hand.

"I want everyone to know of our relationship" Ronald said and led me to his desk. "For now, you are my work." He smirked and sat down. I sat on his lap smiling and he kissed me.

I could hear the gossip go around the office based off what me and Ronald were doing. The chance came for me to listen to them while he moved his kisses to my neck and left a hickey on my neck. The best thing I heard, which lots of people agreed on, was 'Them two were born to be together.' I am not sure if I agree with that, but this was nice. Not only did the kisses feel good, but it also felt good to hear people speaking about me in a nice way and not hearing 'that slut is still with the demon.' I hated hearing that. When are people going to learn that mistakes happen and Sebastian is hot? Well, I guess he was hot to me- not everyone. There will be those people who disagree.

Work got easier for a while, not having to worry about impressing Will because I knew it wasn't going to impress him. On the other hand, I started to get distracted more. It was all: 'Hey Grell, want to go for a drink.' or it was 'Grell I want to go have sex, which place we doing it at?' Okay the second one makes me seem like a bit of a tart, but I don't care. I was finally in a committed relationship that wasn't heartbreaking and abusive. Honestly, I started to fall deeply in love with Ronald. I wanted it to last forever.


	2. Chapter 2

A month. A month of perfect love and romance. A month without arguments. That is what the 'honeymoon period' right? Everyday I went to meet Ronald after work, we would go out for a meal (or stay in and have a meal) then probably have intercourse. It was perfect. And then... the arguments started. It seemed every little thing me and Ronald had a fight about.

The fights started when I ran into the Undertaker on one of my jobs. It was great to see an old friend like him. He asked me if I wanted to go to his shop for a drink that evening and I said 'yes' without even thinking. When Ronald went to collect me for the evening's drink, I started to smack my head against the desk.

"I can't" I told him. He looked at me with a frown.

"But we go out for a drink every night." He spoke. "Why can't you go?"

"I promised a friend I'd visit him tonight."

"' _Him'?"_ Ronald questioned. "You're going to a male's place?"

"What difference does the gender make? It's only Undertaker"

"Oh, because knowing who it is, changes the fact that you are going to a MALE'S HOUSE!" I did something there that I never thought I would do to Ronald. I slapped him. It wasn't a light slap, I know that for a fact. The poor man went flying, like when you watch them old melodramatic films and someone gets hit. Tears were in my eyes. People looked at Ronald and gasped in shock. I grabbed my coat and ran out of the room to escape the people's stares.

"What did I just do?" I thought outloud to myself. Once outside of the building, I sat on the floor by the wall. William, who was returning from a job, found me. Just what I needed.

"Sutcliff?" he asked. I tried to pretend like I didn't hear him but that lead to him saying my last name louder than before. I turned my face away and spoke rudely in return to him.

"What?" I half snapped.

"Has Knox upset you?"

"What has it got to do with you?" I got up and made a run for it. I heard Will shouting my name behind me, but he never followed me.

I ran to the only place I knew I'd be accepted right now, and that is to Undertaker's parlour. As I walked through the door, tears streaming down my face- messing up my makeup, I saw the Undertaker talking to someone I recognised but never knew. Of course I recognised him, I never forget a handsome face.

"Ah Grell, glad to make you came." Undertaker spoke and giggled at the end of it. The man looked at me with a smirk on his face. "This is Jack, he was bringing me my client. Dreadful thing, not even a scratch on the body."

"Hi." I spoke simply to him. Jack wiped some tears from my eyes. "I'm Gre-"

"Grell Sutcliff. I know. Undie here said you were coming to visit him." He interrupted. "A beautiful lady like you should not be crying, so why don't you go clean your face and come back so we can talk." I suddenly felt vulnerable, like this man was in charge of me. I walked silently to Undertaker's bathroom to wipe my face. Not wearing makeup is dreadful, but I had left my makeup back at work. I would have to collect that tonight when only William is in the building because if anyone else sees me like this I will die of embarrassment. When I walked out of the bathroom, Jack wasn't there.

"Where did he go?" I asked Undertaker. He shrugged.

"You know the price for information, my dear" he smirked at me. He was making tea for the two of us. I sat down on a table and sighed. "So you don't want to know where he went?" I shook my head.

We were happy. We were laughing. We were having a beautiful conversation- and then the door opened and a young earl walked in with his butler.

"Undertaker, are you there?" Ciel spoke. I stood up and looked at him. The smirk on Sebastian's face grew insanely upon seeing me. "Grell?" Ciel asked.

"I was... just leaving... Thank you for the tea Undie." I kissed Undertakers cheek and made a break for the door. Sebastian's arm reached out for me as I ran past, and his hand clenched onto my arm.

"You look beautiful today Grell" he whispered into my ear from behind, "No makeup really suits you." He licked my ear and I pulled my arm loose from him.

"You have no right!" I snapped and continued out of the door. I could hear Sebastian laughing behind me. I closed my eyes and blocked it out as I made my way home. The walk home was boring on my own, I am usually with Ronald or at least Eric and Alan. It seemed to go on for miles when I had no one with me. To make things worse, the rain started to fall on me- drenching me.

Splatters of blood were laying on my doorstep and were on my door. I knelt down and touched it then rushed inside.

"Hello?" I called out. I received a pained grunt in response and saw a bloody hand raise up from behind the couch. I walked to it and held back an emotional yelp upon seeing who it was. Ronald. It was Ronald. He had a knife in his hand and his wrists were cut to ribbons. Rushing to get the first aid kit, I tried to patch him up the best I could. "Did I cause this?" I asked. Ronald stayed silent. I held his head to my chest. "Why?" I asked, "Why did you do this?" I still got no response. Either he was unconscious or he was ignoring me. Turned out to be the second one, so I grabbed the knife; took a deep breath, and cut. His hand went onto mine as soon as I did the first one.

"Don't!" He said. His blonde hair was full of his red blood, and I didn't like it. "I will never forgive you if you continue to do that."

"Did you do this because I slapped you? Or because I went to Undertaker?" I asked.

"You're not wearing makeup" he whispered, avoiding the subject. "You look beautiful." His eyes closed. Ronald never died. I got him to the hospital, they said I had patched him up wonderfully and that he just needed to cover the stitches in bandages. I wish I could say that when he woke I was the first thing he saw, but I wasn't. Every second he was out, knowing that I was the cause of this, was painful for me. I looked at him from the doorway, but he never saw me when he awoke.

"I'm sorry" I said, loud enough for him to hear me. But he didn't get to see me. I had speed walked down the corridor before he looked in my direction. I had left him a note. The note explained my thoughts and feelings about the situations. It expressed that I didn't want Ronald to leave me and it hurt to see him unconscious. I had told him that red and blonde just weren't meant to be. It was my break up note. It was the only way, I could think of to try and save his life. I don't want to be a danger to people's lives, especially the ones I care deeply about.

I sat at home, trying desperately to wash the stained blood out of my floor. Soda water and lemon for blood- but it wouldn't vanish. No matter what I did it wouldn't disappear, and so I moved the couched over the stain. It still didn't vanish. The stain just moved onto the couch. I stared at it for a while and then decided there was something wrong. My teeth chattered through fear, and my body shook. The feeling of nausea laid in my stomach and I couldn't take it any longer. I sprinted as fast as I could towards William's house.

Being the clumsy person I am, I tripped on this porch steps and hurt my knee. He must have heard the thud of my landing, because he opened the door to me.

"Help me" I said. He looked down at me and went to help me up, but I couldn't stand. My left knee was busted and there was no way I was going to be able to walk for a while. Will, being the gentleman he is, picked me up and took me inside. He laid me on the white couch in his front room and got his first aid box. His was neatly arranged into bandages, plasters, other stuff. Mine was just a mess spread out in a box. At least I had one though.

"Why did you come here Sutcliff?" William asked. I bit my lip. "Sutcliff?"

"I broke up with Ronald... No matter what I do his blood is stained in my vision and I can't Will" I spoke. Tears forming in my eyes. "Even here, it feels like my hands are covered in it." My voice had gone very quiet.

"You're having a relapse of when you were in his position?" Will asked. When I was trying to kill myself (in the past) I got hurt. On the job, I got hurt and had to fight for my life- after that the image of blood wouldn't leave my eyes and I ended up trying to kill myself to remove it. I am relapsing now. So I nodded to Will.

He was straight up and too the phone. This is how I know Will cares for me. I couldn't hear what he was saying on the phone, but he came back to me and stroked my hair.

"You will be alright, I won't let it consume you."


	3. Chapter 3

I wish I could say I stayed strong and never let the blood control me, but no amount of medication could have stopped that. All through the time of the treatment I was thinking of Will. He was watching me all the time. It was actually a bit unnerving to know I had eyes watching me at all times. They did scans and gave me tablets and put me on a drip and I bathed and then went back on the drip. It was a very wholesome time.

Once they released me, I didn't feel at all better. Will took my hand and decided it was best for _him_ to talk to me, instead of a doctor. He took me back to his and I sat on the couch. William knelt in front of me, as if he were to propose to me. He kissed my hands.

"I'm sorry the treatment didn't work" he said. I don't see why he was sorry. He tried.

He demanded that I stay at his place, away from the scene of the crime. It wasn't really a crime though was it, it was me nearly losing probably the closest person ever to me. It became apparent that Will didn't know that I had also cut on that day, and his face when he saw the fading scars was not a good one. He seemed to shrug it off though, like it hadn't happened.

I didn't quite know what to expect from living with William. The house he lived in had only 1 bedroom, but had a spare duvet in a cupboard. He had only 1 bathroom, which was spotless and white. The rest of the house was a living room- complete with a bookshelf (which had every book in alphabetical order and none were dusty) and a white couch- and a work room, which had paperwork piled up neatly and organised accordingly. If I was supposed to leave this house in this condition, then there is going to be issues because my house is a complete and utter mess in comparison to this.

Will gave me a towel and one of his shirts. The towel was for the bath I was about to take, the shirt was to sleep in. With him being taller than me, the shirt would easily do as a nightgown.

The bath was nice. Warm, bubbly and relaxing. It wasn't until I got in it, that I realised how exhausted I was. My eyes closed and I drifted to sleep. William knocked on the bathroom door, which was what woke me. I rushed out of the bath, wrinkled as a prune, and wrapped the towel around me.

"Were you still in the bath?" William questioned as I opened the door a crack and snuck my head around the corner so that he couldn't see my body. "You've been in here over an hour."

"I kinda drifted off." I explained, "I'll be 5 minutes."

I liked William's shirt on me. I thought it made me look cute. Gazing upon myself in the mirror, I realised that even with a grim reaper- self harm does permanent damage. We heal incredibly fast, but my legs were covered in scars. They would have vanished if I hadn't done it with a death scythe. That's all in the past now, right?

William's eyes followed me as I strided gracefully out of the bathroom and made my way down the stairs, where upon I planted myself softly onto the couch and crossed my legs.

A couple of moments later, William sat himself down next to me.

"While you stay here, there will be a few ground rules that you must obey." He spoke. "Number 1) No bringing men back, this is my house not yours and I do not wish to see you fraternizing with men on my couch. Number 2) If you borrow a book, you put it back exactly where you found it. If you hadn't noticed they are all in order and I intend to keep them that way. Number 3)..." The list was a long and boring one. I had fallen asleep by the end of it, not that William had noticed through speaking his list with such enthusiasm that watching paint dry would be more entertaining. That is William for you though. What did I find attractive in him again?

William apparently shook me, but I didn't realise because I was asleep. However, the dream I was having was not a good one.

 _I was in the hospital looking at Ronald while he was still unconscious. My body shook and I couldn't move my feet to go to him. His arms and legs were covered in blood and stitches. He was connected to a heart monitor, which flat lined. I screamed out- though no sound could be heard._

 _The room went dark and I could move again. The ground was wet and sticky under my feet. I was in a room and I fumbled around the wall trying to find a switch. The wall was just as wet and sticky as the ground. When I found the light in the corner of the room, my eyes looked straight at my hands. They were covered in blood. I turned to look at the room and saw that the walls and floor were coaked in bright red blood._

 _Leaving the door I found myself in the middle of nowhere. A man in a white coat, which I knew but couldn't remember the name of, grabbed me and drugged me. His smirk was as wide as a cheshire cat's as he began to inject me with more and more drugs. His name left my mouth quietly._

 _"Jack."_

I woke up screaming and patted everything around me. William had put the spare duvet over me so I wouldn't be cold during the night. He came rushing in, hearing my scream, and panted as he looked at me. William looked a mess right now, but it was a cute mess. He was in his blue and white stripy pajamas; he had put his glasses on in a rush so they weren't on perfectly; his hair was a little messy, like when I had first met him; and he had bags under his eyes.

A sigh escaped his breath as he sat down next to me and pulled me into him. Will stroked my hair and rubbed my back.

"I'll stay up with you as long as you need." He said.

"But you have work tomorrow..." I argued back.

"Grell, you're health is important. More important than work." This was a new side of Will which I had never seen before.

"Thank you." I muttered.

Considering we had to be up at 7 to get ready for work, I am pretty sure Will never got to sleep again until 6:30. My head was laid in his lap and every time I fell asleep, I woke up screaming again within 10 minutes. One of the times when I woke up screaming, I shot up right and my head caught Will's nose. There was a lot of blood, I think I broke his nose. I feel really bad about doing that.

Will was grumpy in the morning. I know I never got much sleep, but he got less. He looked at me with demon's eyes when I woke. So a tired William makes a reaper into a demon and a tired me makes a reaper into a mute. I had nothing to say all morning and at work, I still had nothing to say. Will even told me "Maybe you should get no sleep more often, you're quiet." I don't know if I should have seen that as an insult.


	4. Chapter 4

I can confirm that me and Will got to sleep that night, he let me stay in bed with him so he could 'protect me from my dreams'. Which is really sweet when you think about it. I would love to know what goes through William's head. Someone told me once that they thought William was cold because when he was human his parents beat him and he could remember the pain. Another said he is so cold because his mother died. The one I am most curious about though, is the theory that Will was in love once and the girl- or guy- seriously hurt him. It could be a guy. William once said to me (while I was still male) "Only a woman should say such things" when I told him I liked him. He either believes that because he was raised that way _or_ he got hurt by a guy once. I'd love it to be the second one.

"Sutcliff." He whispered in the morning, he was checking if I was awake.

"Yes?" I whispered in response and rolled onto my side to look at him.

"The management division are holding their annual party and they are forcing me to turn up this time." He said, "I need to bring a guest."

"So what are you asking of me?" I asked him and realised his hand was on mine. I don't, however, think he knew his hand was place on top of mine.

"Will you go with me?" He sighed, "Your company is better than the company of the other females that work in the dispatch team."

I sat up and brushed my hair while looking into the mirror. Will sat up and looked at me, waiting for an answer which I never gave. The clothing I have at this place is mainly work clothes, though I do have a few nice dresses and skirts.

"Mind leaving me alone to change?" I ask, "And I will give you an answer after breakfast." Will nods and grabs a neatly folded pile of clothes before walking out towards the bathroom. I assume he was going to go change into some clothing for the day. I bet it is his work suit. The dress I decided to put on was a short knee length red dress with a patterned top half. The bottom half was a free flowing skirt. I decided against my usual red and black heels and went for more revealing red heels with two black straps across them. I braided my hair to the left hand side.

William walked out of the bathroom and looked at me. His jaw dropped looking at me.

"That isn't your usual attire" He said staring at me. I felt my face heat up as his gaze never averted from me.

"I decided to dress up a bit" I smiled at him. He stepped closer one step then stopped.

"Did you make a decision?" I nodded in response, "what is it?" I nodded again. William also cracked a smile. Seeing William smile is a rare sight, but it is beautiful.

I took Will's arm and we went out. It was Will's day off (which he wasn't happy about having) and I aren't allowed back for a while until they are 100% sure I am better. I just know that as soon as I see Ronald again, I am going to get triggered and will be back at square one.

Oh it was so romantic. William took me to the beach and then he lifted me as a wave came towards us so that I didn't get my dress wet. And then we went out for a picnic on a hill. Will made me feel so special and he didn't have to kiss me or make love to me to do that.

By the end of the day, Will got us back to his home and laid me on the couch. The thought crossed my mind that he was gonna climb over me and start making out with me, but that never happened. He went to the kitchen and poured me a and him a glass of wine.

"Remember what happened last time you drank?" I said smiling, while taking the glass the glass off him. He shook his head making it clear he did remember but he didn't want to remember. I took a sip of my drink and he did too.

"Sutcliff..." He began but didn't finish the sentence.

"yes?" I asked. He didn't answer, he just pulled me into a kiss. It took me a while for me to get used to the fact that Will was kissing me but then I kissed back. I started to think that Will was already drunk. He wouldn't kiss me if he wasn't, right?

"I wanted to do that for a while." He told me then walked into his room. I didn't know whether to follow or not. I chose not to then Will came back. "You coming."

Well the night was... strangely intimate. He wasn't exactly good at it but he had never done it before so I will let him off. I can teach him to be good if he will let me. It is the dance tomorrow but I am thinking about dancing with Will in a different way now. He rolls over to look at me.

"You know you wasn't bad at it considering it was your first time." His face was flushed red like a child in embarrassment. "So does this mean we are together?"

"Grell, it is no lie that I am in love with you, but I cannot be in a relationship with you at this time." I sit up with the sheets over my chest.

"Well I guess I will go to the couch then."

"You don't have to. You can stay in the bed."

"I'll be fine" I left the room, taking the sheets with me. The couch was awful that night. No matter how much I tossed and turned, I couldn't get comfortable. It is strange, but it felt like Will had just used me. He's going to use me to go to that dance, but did he just use me then?

 _"You know, I don't know why you hang around with him Grell." A man said. "He's never going to be interested in you. He will always give you the cold shoulder."_

 _"I don't know what you are talking about Jack. With this much beauty, any man would be lucky to have my attention." He laughed at my response._

 _"But you can't see past the end of your nose" he poked it and then kissed it. "I wish you could. Then you would realise that their_ _ **is**_ _someone who likes you Grell."_

 _"Oh really? Who?" He stood up and walked away hearing my question. "What have I done wrong?"_

I sat up sweating. Not knowing what just happened, I went to the kitchen and got myself a glass of water. The dream never left my mind. I couldn't even tell if that was a dream, it seemed too real to be a dream- too familiar. However, it must have been a dream because Jack was in it and I had never met Jack before seeing him with Ronald in the hospital.

My mind went blank and I zoned out. One minute I was in full gear the next minute I was dropping my glass of water. The glass smashed on the floor, which snapped me out. Will ran in worried. He didn't have a shirt on.

"Grell?" he asked. I was picking up the broken glass off the floor.

"I am alright." I picked up the big pieces then got the dustpan and brush to clean up the rest.

"Your hand?" He got the first aid kit.

"I said: I'M ALRIGHT!" I snapped and ran to the bathroom. Did I regret running away and shouting at him? Of course I did, but he never gave up on me. He kept knocking on the bathroom door asking to talk to me.

I did let him in and he didn't go to help my hand. He sat next to me and stayed quiet.

"You need to get better." Was the first thing he said to me. Honestly, I didn't feel as though much was wrong. Shaking my head, I stood up but Will took my hand. "I don't know what it is about you Grell. You remind me of _her_ for some reason."

"Her?" I looked at him. So Will told me the truth. Their was a girl that he was in love with. He wanted to give her everything- even bought her a wedding ring. But, on the day he went to propose he caught her having sex with some other guy and it crushed him. The last words she said to him was _"You left me waiting too long"_ which is a load of rubbish. "So how do I remind you of her?"

"The way you act towards me Grell. Your looks. Just everything about you. You are like the spitting image of her." My nose wrinkled hearing this.

"So... I am being compared to her?"

"Oh, no! Not at all. You are your own person, I'm not taking that away from you." He said and I kissed him. It was a nice kiss. Very loving. I practically melted into it. The only thing that ruined what had just happened was the dreaming coming into my mind again.


	5. Chapter 5

The day of the dance. Naturally I spent all day getting ready and annoyed William. I had a plaster on my hand over the cut, which I thought ruined the look. Never the less, William still called me beautiful when I was ready. He hadn't made much of an effort. Not that I cared. He always looks handsome.

He took my arm and away we went. The dance was fancy. I had never been invited to one of these panties before. Not a high enough rank.

"Mr Spears +1. Didn't think you'd come sir, and bearing miss Sutcliff on your arm aswell." The door boy said.

"I got told to bring someone so I brought Grell." William said. I spotted a group of girls looking at Will. They were practically drueling over him. Some were glaring at me.

"Who are those girls?" I asked. William looked at them and took my hand.

"Lets dance" he said and pulled me onto the dance floor. I think he was trying to avoid the ladies that were looking at him.

We danced for a good hour, barely speaking and then Will said he was going to get me a drink. He left me on my own in the middle of the dance floor. Someone grabbed my hand.

"Might I have this dance?" The man asked. It was Jack.

"Of course good sir." He danced with me and leant in towards my ear.

"So you finally got William to notice you. I remember he used to not give you the time of day" he laughed. The dream I had _was_ a dream right? "Anyway, now you're in danger. See the ladies over there?" He spun us round so I could see them.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"They like William and so are jealous of you right now. Chances are they will try to hurt you so keep your wits about you." He let go "i'll see you later Grell." Jack spoke and walked away.

Everything started to sink in and I ran towards the exit, but the girls were blocking it, so I went to the balcony. A few moments later Will joined me. He put the drinks down and wrapped his arms around me from behind.

"You okay?" He asked and kissed my cheek. I had tears in my eyes, of course I wasn't alright.

"Can we go home?" I asked. I turned to look at William and almost saw a drown on his face.

"I'm afraid that we have to be here at least another half an hour. Remember I came because I was forced to." He said. I took his hand and sucked in my sorrow.

"Lets have fun then" I said. I wasn't going to have fun. I didn't know anyone here other than William and Jack and I think Jack left after the dance.

"Or we could stay here and just look at the view of London."

"London is such a disgusting place. Look at it. They haven't even got flushing toilets yet."

"We are just ahead of our time Grell." He kissed my cheek. Being ahead of our time doesn't mean the humans should throw pee out of the window and not bathe. Well they probably do bathe, but not enough. It is disgusting.

We waited at this party for another 40 minutes before William's boss showed up. He wasn't too happy to see me. The guy actually almost hit me for turning up with Will. It was William that stopped him from doing that. The girls were still at the door, so I had no escape from this madness.

"Alright Sutcliff, I'll let you stay if you follow me." William's boss said. I didn't want to stay, I wanted to go home, but that wasn't an option with them women guarding the door. I shook my head and the guy grabbed my arm tightly. "Then I will escort you back to where you are staying." My arm bruised from how tight he grabbed it.

I have never been more scared in my life than I was that evening. One of the girls scratched me on the way out then the man... He defiled me in ways you can only imagine. He dragged me to my own house- not Will's- pushed me on the wall and defiled me.

Will didn't come until morning. He looked almost as dreadful as I felt. He said that when I left he had to pry the hands of them girls off him. It was after he told me what happened to him that he realised something was wrong with me. He put his hand on my shoulder, and I flinched away scared from it.

"Grell, what happened?" William asked.

"Your boss." I didn't know if I could trust Will. Not right now. I thought of all the pros and cons of trusting him in this situation. Pro- he's my friend. Con- hes a man. Pro- he wouldn't touch me without my permission. The overall result lead to me deciding to trust him. I rested my head on his shoulder and cried.

"What did he do to you? This needs reporting to the authorities." Will said. What would the police do? Even if it was the police that deal with none-human creatures. What can they do? They can't go back in time and stop the man... raping me. "They will expect you to give a statement."

I did as I was told. The trail was over pretty quick. The doctor they had on hand could tell straight away that I had been defiled. She said the way I was acting towards people and how my check up went was enough evidence to say it had happened. I just needed to give my statement. So I did. I told them exactly what happened when I left the party.

What was I supposed to do next? The man was arrested and replaced at work, but where do I go now? I can't go home because their is still blood on the floor. I can't go to Ronald's because I would hurt him and I can't go to Will's in case of flashbacks.

"Grell I need to tell you something." Will said. He took my hand. "What ever happens, I will always be here for you. I finally figured out what love is and it's because I realised that I love you." My heart beat fast hearing William say those words. Was this a dream though? A dream that was going to turn into a nightmare at any moment, just like all the others?

In this world. Good doesn't happen often, so when it does you need to hold on to that good moment. That's what I did. I held onto the good moment of Will telling me he loved me and here I am in bed with him again. It has been 2 weeks since the court trail and I started packing at home yesterday. I'm moving in with my _boyfriend,_ and I am so excited. Last time I moved in with my boyfriend properly was... never. I was with Sebastian for years and I never moved in with him properly, I just stayed over a lot. Same with Ronald. Will is my first boyfriend to ask me to move in with him and we have only been together a couple of weeks. Well he has liked me for a lot longer. We aren't rushing things are we? It's moving in together not marrying. Nothing bad will happen because if it does I can just move out again. My old house is staying my house as well. It's paid for by work and so will stay my house forever. I am so excited. I hope nothing goes wrong and everything goes to plan.


	6. Chapter 6

"Will I am going out!" I called. He was currently in the shower. Living with William has been wonderful. I am getting a bit tired of the daily routine but I am kinda used to it. Of course I could try and get William out of his usual routine, but it'll take time.

"Don't be long, I have something I want to do with you today" He shouts back. I wonder what he could have planned. It better be interesting and not him taking me to a library or something like that.

My eyes closed and I smiled before leaving the house. I knew exactly where I was going, but I didn't know how long i'd be or what my mental state will be when I get back to him. But I needed to go, so I made my way to the Phantomhive estate.

The welcome I got was weird. The servants looked at me strangely, like I was a stranger in _their_ house. Ciel wouldn't even look at me, the only one that seemed to want me there was Sebastian. His eyes were staring through me however, like I was a fly in the spiders web. I walked up to him and then went into the dining area to speak with him. He sat down in the seat next to me and the room was silent.

Sebastian went to speak up but then didn't.

"So..." I began.

"I heard you moved in with the reaper" Sebastian said. "You never shared an interest in moving in with me while we were together."

"You never asked." I said. He stood up and grabbed my wrist.

"I shouldn't need to" He says and pulls me out of my seat. I look at him with tears in my eyes.

"Let go please" I cried out. He had a demonic look in his eye- which I suppose could be expected from a Demon but I meant it was like he is trying to make a point.

"Sebastian, I want cake" Ciel said coming into the room.

"Yes my lord" Sebastian let go of my hand and bowed. I made a run for it. My wrist was bruised from how hard he was grabbing me. When I returned to Will he was sat waiting. He stood when I walked in the room.

"You we're gone a while. What happened to your wrist?" He grabbed my hand lightly. I pulled it away. "Grell? Where did you go? Who hurt you?" This was when I realised that Sebastian and Will are two pees in a pod. They may be different species, though they both have cold exterior; they both care a lot about their work; they both just turned protective over me. He hugged me tight.

"So what did you have planned?" I asked changing the subject. He kissed my cheek and took my hand and led me to the bedroom. I thought his surprise was going to be sex for a moment, though it wasn't. There was a sparkly red dress with a low cut v line neck and heels to match it. I looked at it and smiled.

"Try it on?" he asked. I nodded. I didn't even bother to leave the room to change. Will has seen me naked before, seeing me naked now won't do anything now. Well, other than his face going bright red. I got the dress on quickly after I noticed that.

"So where are we going?" I asked and he smiled. William smirked and picked me up. I giggled very loudly as he carried me out of the house. He is such a handsome man, I am so happy to be with him.

As we walked... Well he walked (he was carrying me) someone walked into us and I got dropped onto the floor.

"Ow" I said quietly. Will bent down to try and help me up. I held my wrist, I had a feeling it was sprained.

"I'm sorry" The man that knocked me out of Will's arms said. He looked at him. "Wait, Grell? When did you and the reaper?"

"Bye Jack" I said rudely and I grabbed Will's hand with my good hand and walked away.

"Let me make it up to you. Please. I can buy you a drink or something?" I looked at Jack, nodded and then waved goodbye. Will held my waist. I could tell he was questioning who Jack was, but I wasn't going to tell him. To be honest, I don't even know who Jack is.

We went for a meal at a restaurant. Will ordered for the both of us and I waited for the food to come. He stroked my hair and caressed my cheek with his hand.

"How is your wrist?" He asked and touched it. I flinched and pulled it away. "Sorry." He spoke, "though I do want to ask you something."

He then got down on one knee in front of me. I blushed and he proposed. That old romantic, I said yes to him- obviously. I love him to pieces. He placed a ring on my finger and then the meal came.

After eating we went to a club. I don't know many clubs, and I didn't think Will did either. It was such a good night. I have never danced so much in my life. The dancing distracted me from the pain in my wrist, but when we got home- the pain kicked in. I went to bed early to try and forget the pain, but I got no sleep.

"We need to get that checked out" Will said.

I shook my head. It'll probably have healed by morning.

"Can't you just give me pain killers?" I asked. Will shook his head. He kept insisting that I got it checked out. This was the first time in ages that Will upset me. He forced me to go and because of the time they made me stay in over night.

The morning after I decided I was mad at Will. He came to see me after dropping me off last night and then going home because of the time.

"Morning" He said in his usual voice.

"What do you want?" I snapped at him. He frowned and sat down.

"How's your wrist."

"Doesn't matter." I had a bandage on it. It wasn't broken, it was only sprained and it would be better by tomorrow. I was probably being childish, but I didn't care. Will forced me to do something that I didn't want to so I gave him the silent treatment.


End file.
